In the book, persistently difficult people are labeled as narcissists or borderlines, or BP/NP for short. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written.Subtitle: How to End the Drama and Get on with LifeĪ clear analysis and set of tools for bringing your energy back to yourself when you have been wrapped up in caretaking someone who is volatile and focused on themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.
It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretakers how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle-with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. These negative behaviors don’t happen once in a while they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling-in the extreme. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships.
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